Baby, Your Caboose is On Fire

We live in a world where somebody else’s dysfunction can be wildly entertaining.

Not funny-funny.

More like, Lord… now why would she do that?

Current examples: Blueface, Nevaeh, Chrisean et al. Cardi B.Diddy. {Insert your fave}

Next thing you know, you are emotionally parked on the side of the highway watching somebody else’s train wreck like you bought VIP seats.

Paprika taught us something about that.

She was our black tortoiseshell cat, clearly feral-born, rescued, brought into our house in the 2020 pet frenzy, and eventually very committed to becoming an outside cat.

We worried.

About safety. About judgment. About being the only Black family in the neighborhood. About vague social media posts from neighbors that felt suspiciously specific.

Meanwhile, Paprika was fine.

We were the ones spiraling.

Working in addiction medicine treatment and overseeing schools in the Boogie Down, that lesson felt familiar.

We care for people in every stage of drug and alcohol use. Some are ready to change. Some are not. Some come back. Some disappear. Some repeat the same pattern nineteen times.

We also help support a large population of the most vulnerable kids in NYC. The responsibility of feeling accountable for their well being is overwhelming, to say the least. The task of advocating for change in schools is insurmountable.

And the temptation is always there to think:

Whyyyyy? People, Why?

But care is not control.

Sometimes grown people have to meet their own consequences.

Sometimes our job is to offer safety, truth, treatment, harm reduction, compassion, and an open door.

Then let them be.

That applies to supervisors and coworkers too.

You can spend so much time diagnosing somebody else’s dysfunction that you miss your own.

You are talking about her lack of boundaries while answering emails at 10:47 p.m.

You are discussing their lack of self-awareness while everybody around you has been gently trying to tell you you do the same thing Juneteenth 2022.

Maybe somebody else’s train really is off the tracks.

But not every derailment needs your commentary.

Sometimes the better question is:

What in the wreck is mine to clean up?

Let them learn.

Let them bump their head.

Let them have their plot twist.

And before issuing wreck inspection reports on everybody else’s dysfunction, make sure your own caboose is not on fire.

Because everybody from the janitor to the CEO has one.